No, you are not "overly stubborn."

A girl is smiling

Women are often accused of being stubborn because people want us to keep quiet and behave. You aren’t alone in saying what you want.

When I was initially dubbed stubborn, I can’t recall how old I was. But I recall that “you’re going to become insane if you don’t alter your ways” would constantly whip my grandma! I’m not a young lady; I understood what I thought and what I wanted. Not easily swamped. I would fuss and puff if I didn’t get my way in a typical firstborn fashion. 

However, I was only a girl, still learning how to distinguish genuine strength and inflexibility. My grandmother’s comments have been uttered only ever in-joke and affection—not in life as late as a “stubborn lady” because of the uncompromising nature of my beliefs. Smooth your position. Before you argue, seek permission. Halt your stubbornness. I learned that the world liked me to satisfy others; it appeared at least like that. And so that’s precisely what I became when I was in my early 20s. 

Stubborn Girls

It’s not always nice to be obstinate. It can be damaging if it appears narrow-minded or not listening to (or respecting) others. Difficulty with us and our ideas is an essential part of learning, even if it is uncomfortable. When we argue that we prove a point, we stroke our egos several times. 

We often do so because of fear—We are afraid that our whole foundation may collapse if we reevaluate our ideas or change things significantly. Usually that’s the case. But for growth, collapse can be essential. 

However, there is another sort of “stubbornness,” and it is not stubborn. Durability, tenacity, and the capacity to dive into topics of concern may make a person look obstinate if he is a superior strength. 

“Stubborn is viewed commonly as a negative feature and may be utilized somehow,” says Jo Becker, a UK specialist for disabilities and inclusion. “That finally indicates that for quite a while, someone will not give up their views, beliefs, or grievances. Some people could be pretty irritating, but in fact, it is extreme. It shows endurance, tenacity, perseverance in the face of all.” 

The Trope of Obstinancy

This is when the stubbornness trope may be most damaging, mainly if it hampers the voices of individuals or if one side has greater authority than the other. We are often put into circumstances in which, either for ourselves or others, we have to stay firm. No wish to change, but that we defend our ideas and values. We stand for ourselves. 

I had to learn this for years. Changing from being a stubborn girl to a sweet lady because I’d been told that that’s better. I now realize some of me have acquired from my grandma, hidden from me that seemed hollow. Her jokes when I was younger were likely because a strong spirit transmitted from generation to generation. She recognized herself in me or me in her. In my 30s, despite probable stereotypes of stubbornness, I only begin to regain that energy. I remain strong and unbroken.